Comments on: Reader Mail #2 – Being Debt-free and Emergency Fund-free, the Difference between Men and Women http://www.climbingout.net/2009/12/reader-mail-2-being-debt-free-and-emergency-fund-free-the-difference-between-men-and-women/ One Family's Adventure in Becoming Debt-free Sat, 22 Oct 2011 04:44:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Elizabeth http://www.climbingout.net/2009/12/reader-mail-2-being-debt-free-and-emergency-fund-free-the-difference-between-men-and-women/comment-page-1/#comment-857 Elizabeth Sat, 19 Feb 2011 00:08:59 +0000 http://www.climbingout.net/?p=765#comment-857 Before I was married, I helped pay off my fiance's $10K in debt. To be clear during the 15 months of our engagement, I wrote checks out of my personal checking account to his Visa and Mastercard providers as well as to his car loan company. My intent was that we could start our married life with a clean slate. After paying off his debts, I wanted to apply to school to get my MBA. He refused to help support me while in school. Why didn't I walk away then? Six weeks before we got married, he came home one day and said he wanted to go back to school to get a second degree so that he could change fields. I grew up in a family that values education. I ended up paying for three years of college for him. We divorced after 10 years of marriage. I had been a "meal ticket" for him. My advice - don't do for someone else what they are unwilling to do for you. Having no debt (I am debt-free except for my mortgage) and having money in the bank (1/3 of the way towards 6 months emergency) is such a freeing feeling. Security. I sleep well at night. Clearly your values aren't in sync. Before I was married, I helped pay off my fiance’s $10K in debt. To be clear during the 15 months of our engagement, I wrote checks out of my personal checking account to his Visa and Mastercard providers as well as to his car loan company.

My intent was that we could start our married life with a clean slate. After paying off his debts, I wanted to apply to school to get my MBA. He refused to help support me while in school. Why didn’t I walk away then?

Six weeks before we got married, he came home one day and said he wanted to go back to school to get a second degree so that he could change fields. I grew up in a family that values education. I ended up paying for three years of college for him. We divorced after 10 years of marriage. I had been a “meal ticket” for him.

My advice – don’t do for someone else what they are unwilling to do for you. Having no debt (I am debt-free except for my mortgage) and having money in the bank (1/3 of the way towards 6 months emergency) is such a freeing feeling. Security. I sleep well at night. Clearly your values aren’t in sync.

]]> By: Andi http://www.climbingout.net/2009/12/reader-mail-2-being-debt-free-and-emergency-fund-free-the-difference-between-men-and-women/comment-page-1/#comment-470 Andi Tue, 29 Dec 2009 06:27:36 +0000 http://www.climbingout.net/?p=765#comment-470 I am SO with the Mom on this, because that is such a common thing with women. For what ever reason, we assume that whatever we get from our mate is acceptable, and we shouldn't expect anything more than that, even if our sense of security is being ignored. BOLLOCKS. Also, Fireproof kicks ass. Well done, the Mom. I am SO with the Mom on this, because that is such a common thing with women. For what ever reason, we assume that whatever we get from our mate is acceptable, and we shouldn’t expect anything more than that, even if our sense of security is being ignored. BOLLOCKS.

Also, Fireproof kicks ass. Well done, the Mom.

]]> By: tam http://www.climbingout.net/2009/12/reader-mail-2-being-debt-free-and-emergency-fund-free-the-difference-between-men-and-women/comment-page-1/#comment-463 tam Fri, 18 Dec 2009 22:25:04 +0000 http://www.climbingout.net/?p=765#comment-463 Can you also shake the little boy out of my husband--oh, wait, I already did...our son. At least they have each other to play with. :-) GREAT disection! Can you also shake the little boy out of my husband–oh, wait, I already did…our son. At least they have each other to play with. :-)

GREAT disection!

]]> By: kELSALYNN http://www.climbingout.net/2009/12/reader-mail-2-being-debt-free-and-emergency-fund-free-the-difference-between-men-and-women/comment-page-1/#comment-461 kELSALYNN Thu, 10 Dec 2009 01:42:47 +0000 http://www.climbingout.net/?p=765#comment-461 I think you're pretty spot on with your reactions- both Mom and Dad. It's important that you caught on to the real issues and not the money. The disagreement over money is only because of poor communication, lack of respect for one person's opinion, selfishness, blah, blah, blah. I would like to point out one thing I noticed however. The reaction is somewhat sexist. It's not ALWAYS the woman whose security gland is stronger. In my relationship, my husband wants more in savings. Regardless of which spouse has th security gland, though, your response was gosh darn good... : ) I also think maybe we could provide some more step-by-step guidance/advice. For example, her and her husband should both write down a number of what they want in savings to feel "secure." Then they need to choose a number that they will BOTH be "content" with temporarily/a minimum amount for her if you will. Once they reach that amount, and that amount is priority for EMERGENCIES, but once they get to that point, the plan changes slightly. Once they reach that lower amount, they determine from there what % (ratios) of leftover money continue to fund the savings and how much can go to the "wants/toys". I think you’re pretty spot on with your reactions- both Mom and Dad. It’s important that you caught on to the real issues and not the money. The disagreement over money is only because of poor communication, lack of respect for one person’s opinion, selfishness, blah, blah, blah.

I would like to point out one thing I noticed however. The reaction is somewhat sexist. It’s not ALWAYS the woman whose security gland is stronger. In my relationship, my husband wants more in savings. Regardless of which spouse has th security gland, though, your response was gosh darn good… : )

I also think maybe we could provide some more step-by-step guidance/advice. For example, her and her husband should both write down a number of what they want in savings to feel “secure.” Then they need to choose a number that they will BOTH be “content” with temporarily/a minimum amount for her if you will.

Once they reach that amount, and that amount is priority for EMERGENCIES, but once they get to that point, the plan changes slightly. Once they reach that lower amount, they determine from there what % (ratios) of leftover money continue to fund the savings and how much can go to the “wants/toys”.

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