24 Nov
Are We Watching the Same Movie Here?
I have tried to find the tone for this post for a week now, but have to admit it is hard to land squarely on the side of happiness or condemnation.
You know how some things just make you cock your head to the side in a gooey blend of disbelief, empathy and mild-confusion? Not in a superior manner — instead, you want to be happy for someone, but can’t see around the enormous elephant in the room.
Friends of ours are in a similar, though slightly-closer-to-shore, financial boat. They have about $10,000 of debt and drank the Dave Ramsey cool-aid along with us last Spring. They didn’t hit as hard a bottom as we did, though, and their progress has been fairly spotty. Well, just different from ours.
Nonetheless, they seem to be enjoying the improved communication and peace that comes from doing a written budget. They are in their third month of Financial Peace University.
My head-cocking moment came a week ago when the husband sent me a text message with a picture of a brand-new $1,200 iMac. I’m like, whaaat?
The computer they had at home had been “acting up” and all their stuff was on it and they needed to get to their budgeting spreadsheets and it had just become unusable…
They “needed to get to their budget…”
“No biggie, we didn’t finance it, we just used the money from our upcoming garage sale plus pulled some from our $1,000 emergency fund.”
Head-cock.
“This thing is amazing! It’s the first state-of-the-art computer I’ve ever owned, you know, I’ve always had hand-me-downs and pieced together machines. It’s nice to have something new.”
Nod. Nod.
“Anyway, we’ll fill the emergency fund up with the money from the garage sale and we really had to do this.”
Never has it been so clear to me that personal finance is really personal. These friends have a set of priorities and values and it would be ridiculous for me to judge them.
Still, I know we would not feel comfortable making the move they made, but the more I think about it the more I realize “this” is our finances and “that” is theirs. It seems bizarre that we are ingesting the same material and message and have reached different conclusions. Maybe we haven’t reached different conclusions, just different priorities.
Or maybe it’s a healthy dose of fear, uncertainty and doubt put to good use to get a new toy.
Either way they had their garage sale last weekend and we took a few things over to sell as well. I think they took in about $600 and I’m happy for them.
I’m grateful for The Wife and our focus. I don’t need to understand anyone else’s.
the Dad
Posted by Jennifer on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
Very interesting. It is hard to realize how” personal” finance really is. My tongue was almost bleeding (from me biting it) when my youngest sister bought (financed) a brand new Prius. Everyone’s priorities really are different.
Thanks for your kind words on my blog today. It’s nice to be back. I’m looking forward to catching up on your posts and progress as well as my other pf blog friends.
Posted by Kelsalynn on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
you’re much more understanding than me. I think their move was quite stupid. But hey, who am I?
Posted by Kellie on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
I find the very same thing is true in ALL decisions people make in life, not just finances. Why people choose to date or marry whom they do, what movies/TV shows they watch, etc. especially when I feel like we have the same foundation (watching the same movie), but their choices are so very different than mine.
I really enjoy reading both of your posts. Stay focused on YOUR finances and you’ll have BS2 knocked out in no time!
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Posted by Jeffrey Johnson on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
Since the economy headed south I finding more pushing cash and bashing credit cards. When was buying a new tv today I almost stopped buying when they asked me if I wanted to become an idiot again opps mean if wanted a store card. If I was in better mood I would of quickly let the person know they stupid I am not. But after spending hour in a store with 6 year old I was in no mood.
If I was going to ever get a credit card it be a secured card could get from my bank but thanking over even that only credit card I feel 100% safe is a prepaid one. But why get it with all my nice debit cards.
Posted by The Long Distance Buddy on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
I fully believe this is the exact reason for the “blow money” category. Now 1200 might be a bit steep… I have to think of this whole debt reduction process somewhat in an animalistic manner. Face it people are animals. I don’t mean that in a bad way at all, but the human is an animal first and only society keeps us from our baser instincts. The human brain works just like any other animal brain “what makes me comfortable, how can I get food, what choice will make me survive today”. Fortunately we as humans have the ability to overcome the base animal brain BUT it takes significant conscious effort….. With that treatise out of the way apply that knowledge to this…
Think of the debt reduction process as a cage, if you were a wild animal that cage would be very uncomfortable and scary place, however with time that cage becomes a comfort zone, that animal’s house and safety area. If you just lock that animal up in the cage he will come to resent it and fight to get out. HOWEVER, if you make the cage available, you let that animal come to the realization that the cage is a good thing, a safe place. Let the animals decide on their own what is good for them, and they will find out that a Mac really isn’t a good deal! (HA!)
It is all baby steps
Posted by Sharon on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
It is true that personal finance is just that. Personal. Perhaps your friends are in a much better place than they were when they started financial peace university. Perhaps they just need some “air” and decided to spend some money…
Either way, it works for them. You sound like you need a bit more security. And the fact that you and your wife are on the same page is HUGE.
I often wonder how friends can go on multiple vacations and buy all sorts of things we couldn’t even touch. Then I just let it go, as it would bring out the GREEN in me….
You guys are doing great! Don’t second guess it! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Posted by jpkittie on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
It is funny when things are like that — we have friends who talk about debt a ton and how worried they are that they are going to loose their house…. wouldn’t you know that they both have new iPhones and a new bmw? Like Seriously?!?! It is a lifestyle change for sure – you have to be really willing to buckle down. One day you will have a 6 months in the bank & no debt besides your home & then they will still be working on their $10k
Keep up the amazing job.
Posted by Andi on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
I completely understand….in my own, nothing-like-your-situation, kind of way.
It’s makes you want to tear your hair out when you see people work so hard to reach a finacial goal and then set themselves back because of pretty new toys. It’s the same concept as dieting–you think because you lost 5 pounds, you can reward yourself with a chocolate cake.
Kudos to you guys for passing on the cake.
Posted by Maggie on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
Well it’s good that you aren’t judging them on their specific buy. We’ve all done stupid so it would behoove us to criticize another…..I will say this though…..
DR would never condone that move. Can’t imagine him ever saying “yeah, a brand new computer so you can get to your budget is definitely an emergency!”
He certainly wouldn’t have banked on a yet to be seen garage sale and he’d warn them that to take the money from their BEF, will put them in jeopardy if Murphy comes to call.
I think there is a difference between two people following the plan and one choosing to say bump up a high-interest credit card to the top of the snowball and another choosing to keep it at the bottom due to it’s balance. Both are following the plan, both are following Dave’s advice based on personal situation. I don’t really think one could say that their decision had anything to do with following the plan…not really. They just wanted a new computer. Great that they didn’t go into debt for it but that doesn’t make it on plan.
It’s good that you are showing deference to them as they didn’t ask your opinion but from an outsiders perspective……you are following the plan…they are not. And from what I’ve seen of your blog…you are very honest when you are off-plan for ANY reason. That’s a big difference from this….this is justifying….I don’t know about you, but justifying is how I ended up in debt.
Posted by Danielle on 24.11.09 at 3:56 pm
HEY! Long lost blogger here! Just checking in on you guys!
We had a similar story about my mother, who’s always lived with credit card debt up to her eyeballs for as long as I can remember. We got her the book, even the book on CD and she told us after reading it that she just wouldn’t be able to do it. It would be too hard and she doesn’t make enough money to see the results that are talked about in the book.
My head cocked to the side the same way yours did when you got this text message.
It’s just unfathomable to me. But, different strokes for different folks I guess. I’m just glad that my husband and I changed our situation at such a young age and now we can hopefully help her out if she ever needs it. Then maybe she’ll realize what’s “too hard.”
You are doing so awesome and are truly an inspiration to many – keep it up, and keep your focus!