26 Jun
You Can’t Take It With You
The girls and I have just returned home from a grocery shopping trip. It started off well, but didn’t end that way.
The Dad and I have agreed on $110 per week for groceries. That may not sound like very much, but I think I shop pretty well, plus that includes $20 for our CSA veggie box. I make a list every week in my iPhone app that also keeps track of the prices of items, so by the end of our trip around the store there should be no surprises. Today, however, I strayed. I had inadvertently invited some friends over for a BBQ, so I bought some hotdogs. I promised the girls new chapstick. There were some items on sale, so I bought a couple additional things thinking I was using up the money saved from the sale items.
When we got to the register the girls proceded to unload the cart trapping me behind it. As we got to the end I asked the cashier where my total was–$113! Uh, um, ok, now what do I do? Put stuff back. She hadn’t gotten to everything, so I had her stop where she was. No tissue (toilet paper will do), no watermelon, one not two boxes of cereal…and the chapstick.
As soon as I got it down to $90 I paid–cash–and headed for the door. Daughter kept asking for her chapstick, I asked her to wait until we got to the car. Once there I had to break the news. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I had to put it back. I ran out of money. I couldn’t afford it today.” Oh boy! There was crying and foot stomping and yelling. I felt terrible. I was mad too. I wanted to buy it for her. I probably could have put something else back to make room for her chapstick, but with people waiting behind us I got nervous.
On the way home Daughter wanted to call Granny to “tell her what [I] did”. Ok. She called with tears in her voice. It was painful. Granny said she would bring her chapstick the next time she came to visit. Daughter was very thankful. I felt like I should go back to the store and return more items.
When we got home Daughter slammed the door from the garage to the house. Then she slammed the door to her bedroom. I don’t blame her. Daughter 2 tried to comfort her, but was turned away. So she went in to the guest room to sit and wait it out. I unloaded the groceries and tried to stay out of the way. On one of my trips in I heard chattering, Daughter 1 had gone in to see Daughter 2. Hmmm. When I was done with the groceries I peeked in the door. Daughter 1 said that I had not been invited to their game. Then she smiled. She smiled! I asked if I could kiss her. She said, “no, it’s not part of the game.”
I sat down to write this post and I was invited to see the cannons that were shooting at them. I held out my hand and Daughter 1 took it and led me back to the guest room. We played like we got shot and all fell to the ground giggling.
I do most of the shopping so I need to be clear about how much money I need to take care of this family. I need to make it clear how much I need for groceries and then what I need for non-food items that take up a lot of my cash: detergent, cat food, shampoo, etc. Today was a good lesson for all of us.
Sometimes you can’t take it with you.
The Wife
Posted by the Dad on 06/26/09 at 1:20 pm
Your commitment is awesome, Wife. Stopping the clerk and subtracting items to pay cash is absolutely heroic. I love you dearly.
Daughter 1 will get over it. She may even remember you doing this and admire it.
Lastly, “Chapstick” certainly doesn’t fall under the heading of “What I need to take care of this family” so cheers! What’s that word we are learning to use again…? Oh yeah, “No.”
Posted by Andres on 06/26/09 at 5:37 pm
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I had to put it back. I ran out of money. I couldn’t afford it today.”
I know that had to be hard to do. My kids aren’t to that age yet, but I know it is hard to tell myself to put it back because I ran out of money.
Posted by declutter on 06/27/09 at 5:44 am
Good Job Wife!!! I have put things back many times because I just kind of add things up on an envelope as i go and sometimes I get distracted and my math doesn’t add up. In the past, I would have just put it on a debit card and not had a second thought about it. That is bad, and putting things back and going with cash is Good! Keep up the good work!
Posted by Tam on 06/27/09 at 6:11 pm
Wow! You are so powerful. I do not allow us to say we “cannot afford it.” We try to say, “It is not in our plan” or “we can save up and get that next time.” I cannot handle “we can’t afford that” because I grew up hearing it and it hurts my heart. Plus, according to “The Secret” it implies lack.
We can have it…we just have to plan for it. Whew! What a relief. I still would have pulled out the debit card and taken the money from somewhere else. This is only my second full month on this plan–still struggling but we do see progress!
Thanks for all the inspiration! The real situation stories really help keep us on track!!.
Posted by The Wife on 06/27/09 at 6:47 pm
Thanks for the support, everyone!
Tam, you’re right. I should use better language. This was the first time I went so over my budget and I panicked a bit. Thanks for the reminder.
Groceries=CASH! Period. I can’t pull out the debit card. The money is already spoken for somewhere else. If I debit card it then I mess something else up and then have to explain myself at an emergency budget meeting. Easier to just pay the cash and leave it alone.
The budgeting and sticking-to-it stuff will get easier. Stay a team and stay focused.
Posted by Tam on 06/30/09 at 2:59 pm
We got the team thing…it’s all on me because husband never shops. Cash! No debit card. Thanks for the reminder….It HAS TO get easier!
Saying no to the kids IS the worst. I always get the sweats just before we hit total…. The kids are starting to ask things like, “do we have a fund for ‘_____’?” THEY get it! The big people are still working on it…but we are working!